Costume : √


Plottings : √
Outfit : √
Location : √

Knowledge of how to go through with plottings : Χ



Snap.

I can do this. Easy. Plottings and me going through with them. Plans are an old friend of mine. Yeah, I can so do this.

... so not (read: so very) nervous.

Oh, plottings, how I love thee.


First off, yes, I'm so dressing up for Halloween. I'm thinking maybe I'll go as a superstar. That would be fun. I mean, the shades, the jewelry, the awesome hairstyles, the really cool outfits.... the entourage...

Oh kay, that last bit was just some wishful thinking and sillyness, but still!



I've also been plotting about... *peers about* How to well, appologize.

It's always such a hard thing to do. Especially when you knew you were wrong to begin with. But as Malia suggested, maybe some talking over a nice quiet evening will do. Hey, I like talking, and maybe he likes nice quiet evenings! *sighs*

I guess all we can do is wait and see. Now I've just gotta run around and get things together. *grumble* I hate running.

She's gone. No, not permenantly. Joel and I decided to send her off to school. With her demon gone, and my having my soul back, she needed to be away from it all -- away from Larderello, from Salem, from Carthage... So we found this lovely Pre-K school. Once she turns five, she'll be transfered to a proper school for her age. Unless Joel and I pull her back home, of course.

I suppose some people may be wondering what the hell happened to make me suddenly decide I wanted my soul back right now. Do I really want to go there? Not really. It's a long story, which is either quite embarrassing or slightly scary. Yes, I said scary. Maybe there was a funny part as well. Watching Malia run through Hell without shoes on was amusing -- as was listening to her bitch. It's not like I was any better in my heels.

Anyway, by the time Malia and I were letting the Lust winds mess up our hair, Ammy makes an appearance. ... and he's waving a vial about. Then he started going on about how I don't listen. Well, he'd been waving the wrong soul about anyway, so pshaw on him. I should... kick his ass with my cat-like reflexes or something. Hyaa! *demonstrates her cat-like reflexes*

...

No, I did not just fall out of the chair. And maybe I'll just set him on fire.


Reguardless, my sister and I passed through the Center of the Earth, and over the River Lethe. By the time we'd been sent to a church after escaping Hell, Ammy had pulled the correct vial from only God(and/or Goddess), Joel, and he knows where.

(Yes, I just explained a few things, but not everything. I'm telling you, it's scary. I'll just say that Maharet decided to go all violent on people -- Row and me. Then He decided to say this and that. I had to do something, He was hurting my daughter! So that was what I did. Woo Hell.)

In the aftermath of all of that, I honestly don't know what to do, be it generally or with myself. There's Joel and Malia, and what I told her to do just last week. Oh, yes, it hurts quite a bit. But being the wretch I am, I'll probably-more-than-likely get through this. I've done so before. Damn me.

I remember what it felt like the night I received the marks that led to my scars as well. I remember that and all that happened after it. It makes me wonder just exactly how I could stand it. I ache a bit, I'm a bit upset with myself, and I keep thinking of what someone said.

Oh, Shivan, if you read this: I'm real again. Take that, bitch.

But what someone said. Just last night, actually. I'm a tad bit upset with him, just because he didn't have to do what he did, and I wish that he hadn't. I told him that this whore wasn't worth it. I don't really know, and I doubt I will for a long time. I suppose all I can do is take this in... stride.

"How can you be so stupid, Nadie?" Zillah asked me, a frown at his lips.

I stared back at him, my anger subsiding to fear. "I want to protect her from this and that and heaven and hell!"




They're trying to tell me things. This and that.

They're trying to tell me about me. And about what my daughter "is."

I know what she is. She's a little girl, someone whom I know that I once loved and I will love again. I know that. She is of Joel and me. She is someone I brought back from Hell.

She is not a monster.

Zillah begs to differ. Well, not begs, that's a figure of speech. Still though, he tells me that I need to worry and I think he suggested I need to fear.


"Maybe you should worry about protecting yourself..." he said, stepping towards me.

"She's more important," I replied, shaking my head, trying to deny what he had just said to me.


He believes she'll 'snap' and that I won't be able to handle it by myself. I can handle it though! I can handle my daughter! And I'm not alone, I've my sisters, and Joel. Joel will be there, she's his daughter as well.


"But she's a threat to you, like it or not."

I shook my head. "She's my daughter!" I shouted, "She wouldn't harm me!"

"She's a monster!" he said. I continued to deny. "She's not the Maharet you gave birth to."


Oh God, how I've failed her. I've failed at everything I've tried. I just wanted her to have a normal, happy child. Damn me, damn me and damn her father, and damn the world.


"Her voice is that of a child," Zillah said, "but her words carry the knowledge and pain of someone much, much older."

I shook my head again. He continued on.

"And she's dangerous as hell."


No rest for the weary, no food for the hungry, and no love for the hated.

This must stop. I've to do something. I need to stop talking about it, and I need to do something, and I've got to do something oh so soon.

"Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic, I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been..."


My daughter is not what she should be. She should be a happy child nearing her third birthday. Instead she's corrupted. She's... she's not what I want her to be.

I was deceived. When I gave Lucifer my soul, I demanded she be given back just how she was... the instant before her, her 'accident.' She is not, and it's killing me. I was lied to, I was tricked, and this should not be binding. She should be how we agreed!

I need to gather myself, I need to think. I need to stop acting on a whim.

Her actions aren't a secret either. Orchid, Aryia, and Xuvie saw just the other night how she acts. How she's corrupt. They watched her change, they watched the fire be created, and they watched me cower in fear from that power that I refuse to accept as my daughters. Maharet may be the daughter of a Lord and a Mistress of Hell, but that's too much anger and hate for a child. Something is terribly wrong here.

Maharet accused Malia of hating her, and she says that Joel and I lie to her. We do not, yet she won't accept this. I don't get it. We've took care of her, we've tried. I've tried.


Oh, how I need Moris to hurry. I can't stand this. She's too young to be going through this. It's my fault, and now it needs to be fixed. My help needs to hurry.

A red rose, with a card from Nadia has the following message written on it:

Joel,

I lounged about your room for a bit, I hope you don't mind. I really only layed on the bed and thought about a few things. It's still just as comfy as it ever was, and I made it up after, so no harm done, right? Just thought I'd let you know incase you found something out of place.

I've been thinking about those talks that we had, and what you said. I don't really know what I want. I'm trusting Moris with the soul business right now, I guess. It's all I really can do because I refuse to let you or anyone else just storm down there. Moris has tact, at least from what I've seen. You mean well, but if you remember all of those times that we argued because you believed every little lie a man started about me? *smirk* That's not tact.

Yeah, I've been thinking, and I'll continue to. If you don't want me in your bedroom at the Salem hall again, I'll understand. So just tell me so, kay? All right. I also went through Maharet's things that were at your Pittsburgh house. What's left is what I think is all right to play with. The others I took and I'll put them away until everything gets straightened out.

-Nadia Lynn, still a somewhat Mistress of Hell.

Little bit of this and that. Never what you'd expect.