My day.

Spent some time with Zillah and Orchid.

Then some time with Anadreva.

Talked with Malia too.

Met up with Joel and Maharet, and we all went to see Spiffy Malia in Italy.

Well, Malia and I got really drunk. Lots and lots of wine. And there was some dancing, and splashing. We both got soaked. And then I dumped my teapot of water all over Joel. *grin*

We [Joel and I] played with Maharet a bit, showing her off the entire time. Then, just as Maharet fell asleep and we were headed back to Agrabah, Squeeky jumps me. Now, I don't really mind the fact that he jumped me, because well, I am accept all again. But it's the fact that my daughter was with me. What if he had over missed me and hit her? Or one of my spells got out of control and she got hurt? He would have been fucked then. I'm sorry, but it's as simple as that.

So any PKers that read this, touch me while I'm with my daughter, and I'll kill you. Maybe not then, but oh God, I will get you for endangering my daughter.

It's not a threat, it's a god damn promise.

I'm a mother now.

...

It's so odd. I think I like it. I think I love it.

I know I love my daughter.

Black hair, blue eyes. Joel's eyes. She's so pretty.

Funny thing- it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Childbirth, that is.

Mitra gave me a ziplock bag full of ice. I asked her what I was to do with it, she said anything. I threw it at Joel and hit his thigh. Silly childbirth threw off my aim.

The entire time Malia insisted that I punch Joel. Hell, Joel insisted I punch Joel. I didn't hurt anyone through the entire thing. I just held Joel's hand, and threatened a bunch of people. I think I told Asher that I'd kick him if he brought out a needle. And I think I told Joel I was going to beat him into a bloody pulp. Oops?

I'll admit though, after everything was done and over, and I was holding Maharet, I did indeed punch Joel. You know what my significant other did? He thanked me. *grin*

Quite a bit has happened.

Amara and Asterix's Wedding. That was interesting. I had a talk with Rowane afterwards, which I actually enjoyed, even if some of it wasn't too... well, some of the topics I didn't like.

Then I spoke with Zillah the other evening. I enjoyed that immensly, at least, until Shivan showed up. He embarrassed me horribly. But that's another story for another time for someone who I think should know.

And I got these terrible pains. Like, tightening, and really bad hurt. I hated it. They went away after a bit, but they came again while I was visiting Orchid, and again when I was with Malia in Italy.

Bah.

Let's forget about that damn angel showing up again.

So Xuvenia and I were just messing around last night, and like, she was letting me try out different spells in a PK sense. Things got out of hand and she sort of... multi-ed me. Oopsie. S' oh kay though, I know she didn't *really* mean to keel me like that, if at all.

And today I had a general reading from Orchid. I drew the lust card. Both strength of will and physical strength. Hehe. Things look good, as long as I try to make them good. *giggle*

Then Amducious got started in on me. I had mentioned how I had once been married to a shadow, and he said something (which I dont remember exactly) but I know he had no right saying it. Then he asked how my child was. I assured him that the child was well. He reached towards me then, but quickly withdrew his outstretched arm. Ooh, how angry he seemed. Yes, I and my child had been blessed. Now, I realize that's not very becoming of a Mistress of Hell, but well, first off I just couldn't say no to Judah, and second, Amducious knows that I fear him, and that I will do anything to keep him from my child. This was my 'anything.' It worked out pretty well in my opinion.

I hate this.

Nothing has happened as of late. No really good conversations, no trips anywhere interesting. Nothing.

I'm going to blame the pregnancy. Joel was so protective for the longest time. Now I'm just too tired to go against his wishes anymore. Three weeks left. ... or is it two? I'm not sure, but I know it's soon.

I'm not ready to be a mom. Oh God, how I'm not ready.

I had just picked up my cat from Pittsburgh, I believe, and I wanted to drop him in the Carthage home. I travel travel travel, all that jazz, and I get to that newer house. I lock the cat in the bedroom (I really didn't want him sneaking into Korgan's house at the time, with the blacksmith's recent threat of shaving the poor cat. He -needs- his purple fur.) and wandered back into the main hall. What do I see, to my surprise? A Shivan standing there. I had forgotten to lock the front door. *groan*

I sat down on the pile of furs I have in that room, trying to think of ways to get him to leave. None really came to mind. So I thought 'hey, maybe I can talk him into leaving!' Didn't work, needless to say. I think it encouraged him to stay, actually. I didnt mean to if I did, but I think I did.

Anyway, one thing led to another, near seductions happened, and now I have a big ol' scratch on the back of my neck. Well, sort of. It's healed for the most part, though there may be a scar. I hope not, since I do hate scars. Apparently he doesnt like being mocked either. I asked him if he wanted me to hate him, he said that he didnt, but "it beat indifference." He kept bringing up old times. Things I'd rather forget. He wouldnt let me. He insisted I still wanted it.... that I still wanted him. I asked him why he kept saying that I did, and why he kept trying to get me to "stop denying myself what I really wanted."

He got a bit touchy. There was some pushing and thats where the near seduction came in. Well, again. It was there prior too. I'll have to give him credit, he is a persistant bastard.

I told Joel about it and he asked me if I'd rather be with the Grendel. I just stared at him in disbelief.

A couple of days later, I had to put the Cheshire cat *back* into the Carthage house, and Shivan was there. Again. This time, however, he darted away, but not before yelling that he was bringing me a present.

...... he brought me two harem girls. I didn't accept them, of course, but he was able to get a rise out of me, which Im sure he wanted. That and I just *had* to attempt to make the point that people dont like being playthings. But these damn girls just had to contradict me. Then Joel showed up. It got a bit confusing. Shivan tried to start something by saying that Joel was talking for me. My opinions. It didnt bother me that he was, because he was saying what I did think and want. ... I think. Thank goodness Rowane came around for a fight. I had just slapped Shivan and well, I dont think he really noticed in the panic of that battle.

The next few days were a blur, really. I remember that I've been a bit sick lately. I asked Doctor Fancy if it was normal, and she said it was for a most part, but couldnt really be sure because its different for each person. Just about a month left, maybe a little more! *peer* I'm so not ready to be a mom.

I haven't seen much of that angel anymore. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. It doesnt seem all to good at the moment. I sort of... miss him. Perhaps this really is a good thing. Perhaps I was getting attached.

And I got some new pets last night! Two kittens! I asked Somar to go along with me when I got 'em. It was so much fun. One is black, the other is white, and they like to look into mirrors. Now, these mirrors that I got with them are rather special. When the black kitten looks into it, he sees his brother. Vise versa for the white kitten. I thought they'd make good company for the Cheshire cat.

I've also been putting final touches on my trivia game. Yeah, the same one that's been in the works since like, Expie time. I just sort of gave up with those Christian questions and went for random things. Pay attention to any sort of hellish thing around you, including the media (The arcade that's north east of the Wild Boar Tavern plays some really cool music, and shows movies every now and then.) There will also be a question or two about yours truely. *prance*

I couldn't sleep last night. My stomach (among other areas) hurt and I needed to amuse myself. So I wrote a poem. Though, it's not very good. Then again, it never is.


Angel of shadows,
not so long past,
what did I do,
why couldn't it last?

Silence is sweet,
just like salt,
my wounds have been opened,
my mind is saying 'halt.'

Dependancy from me,
silence from you,
we could have said anything,
the words would've gone right through.

Now I tried to run,
and you tried to hide,
but they caught me just as
I was crossing to the other side.

Pulling me back,
ever so swift,
I was so close,
if you catch my drift.

Not that you'd care,
you've no reason to,
everyone and then heaven
knows the hell I put you through.



*sigh* *waits* Nope, still not tired.

Had a long talk with Starbright and Orchid today. That helped... a little. I still don't understand so many things though. We had a card reading too. About that bloody angel. Sad angel. Intimidating angel. The hanged-man or something like that. I dont think that reading helped me any though.

And I hope Joel doesn't do what he said he was. I changed my mind. I can't.

I spoke with Shivan for a bit last night. That was a bit...

...

well, it was really awkward.

And I get so confused when I'm around him. He makes it so I really need to stop and think and just... reflect. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but I know he enjoys watching me squirm. I mean, it's like, I dunno what to really reply with. I just want to sit or stand there and listen to him, listen to what he says, because he's more observant than I give him credit for. (normally)

*sighs and shakes head*

So, quite a bit happened the other day. I was sitting in the lovely Orchid's shop, and people were having their fortunes read and other things like that. The norm, if you will.

Anyway, readings readings readings, and Amducious walks in. Insert grumbles. Not much really, he had a general reading and drew the Magus. That was one I had never seen before. Then he asked a question, one which I refuse to repeat because I refuse to take any part in any possible discussion of any of its possibilities. Though, Amducious seemed a bit content with that, and he gave Orchid a charm of a full moon. I don't quite understand this, and I hate not being in the know. Oh well, I suppose.

Afterwards, I drew a card to help me ponder that latest dream. The Lovers card was drawn and, well, according to Orchid, I'm either summoning the angel, or he's seeking me. All for one reason. Love.

I just don't get it.

And earlier today we talked a bit about Joel. She believes Joel to be... 'obtuse.' *giggle* And that she may get impatient with him, since she gets impatient with men who aren't...forward. *more giggles*

Yes, Joel is an aquired taste.

...As was Lethe.

OTS announced the winners last night. Rowane won best poem (it was rather lovely *giggle*) while Fry won "worst." I got a noteable mention, or something like that. Some of us recited our poems too. I was quite nervous when I read mine, but people liked it! McDougan's was great too. I actually understood it! Sort of!

Later Joel and I killed around Casablanca- well, more like he killed, and I judged CTS. Anyway, we're killing killing killing, and like, we stop once he gets all tired. (Silly running out of engergy for spells. Pfft.) We're sitting there for a bit and he's really quiet. He's been quiet all night. Well, here's what happened as I remember it.

"You're rather quiet tonight," I said to Joel as I bit my lower lip.
"Just thinking," he said to me.
"May I ask about what?" I asked him softly.
"Many different things," was his reply.

Now that last bit was a red flag pop-up for me. Last time a guy was thinking, it ended bad. (No, that is not supposed to be some sexist joke either. I'm dead serious.) Perhaps I'm overreacting, infact, I'm sure I am.

....Maybe I just shouldn't have asked him to marry me. I should have just shushed and kept that to myself. But no, I was excited about buying that new house in Carthage, and we were just sitting there in the new bedroom and I asked him. I should have known better. I asked Lethe, and look at what happened! God damn me, why can't I do anything right?

Later, as I'm shopping for furniture for my new home, Amducious sends me a Tell(epathic message) asking how my child is. A bit boggled, I reply with a "I just had my checkup, the child is fine." Quite defensive, but true, none-the-less. He sends back "Excellent," and I can just *feel* him smiling has he does so. By that time I'm slightly annoyed. I asked him why he's so happy by that little bit of information and he tries to act all innocent and asks if he can't be pleased just because I'm doing well. Yes, yes, take this time to insert glowers, facepalms, and other not so content actions. I tell him it's because it's just not normal coming from him. Silence.

Now, after furnishing my new home and making my way to the clan hall, it's rather late, and I'm tired. I announce to my clan that I'm going to bed for the evening, and Korgan calls out my name. Hehe. I had forgotten what I had done earlier. Well, the cheshire cat needed to explore a new place. I'm sure he was getting rather bored traveling from Pittsburg, Salem, and Agrabah constantly. Korgan's library seemed like a good place to drop him for a bit. Besides, Korgan still owes me that duel. I demand his boxers.

I'm about to lie down on the couch to sleep, and Amducious bursts in. Glower is all I can do at that memory. I mention that I think he was BSing me earlier, and that he is to stay away from my child. He tells me that's something he can't promise. Ignoring that last bit, I basically demanded that he tell me what it was he was thinking. "I simply wanted to know how you both were doing. You are getting close to birth, I can feel it," was his responce. I made a few statements showing my obvious disbelief at his statements, but he persisted.

"I think your doctor may be just a bit off..."

Not something I want to hear. Anyway, I asked him how 'off' he thought Asher was. Apparently dear Ammy thinks the child will be born within the next few weeks.

"But again, don't listen to me, I could be simply being... me."

Now that's something I will most definately believe.

"Or, my kind could have a bit of innate senses about the birth of young impressionable ones."

Cringe! Major cringe! But, instead, I growled at him, and he just smiled. I think I then ordered him to stay away from my child. And then I poked him! *nods to herself*

"I could promise, but my word doesn't always mean a lot..."

Yup, I snarled. Another angry gesture, another order to stay away. Another day, another dollar. Same diff. He then goes on to assure me he would never physically harm my child. Yeah, well, that's not what I was worried about to begin with. He mocks me after that! Said something about how I'm all afraid of a demon from Hell. Pshh. Yeah, right. Oh kay. That's a lie. I'm scared to death of Amducious, and I have good reason! Though, that's another story for another day. But he said something else and I growled again and then he left and then I went to sleep. Simple as that.

Though, that angel appeared again. This time much different though. His eyes werent as intense. And I wasn't scared to look at him. He seemed... weary, and I felt... pity.

What the hell is going on?

Little bit of this and that. Never what you'd expect.